Thief. Lazy.

“Tsotsi”. Shady.

Disruptive. Disorganised.

Loud. Unruly.

Attention-seeking. Anti-social.

These are some of the many labels that I have heard and seen in circumstances surrounding children and their behaviour. The unfortunate part? The child is the one who suffers the most damage.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have come across videos, comments and documents which have troubled me deeply. They all used some of these labels to describe children as young as seven years old.

Seeing this took me back to times where conversations were had behind closed doors – also, about children who were being labelled because of their behaviours or outward displays of possibly overwhelming inner turmoil. 

These labels come so quickly. It takes a single word to “sum up” the child and then we move on.

Behaviour is seldomly a random act. It is not as simple as using a word to describe what we see outwardly.

Most of the time, you will find that the child has an underlying need that has not been addressed, an overwhelming emotion, an experience, a fear, or, a skill that is still developing.

The child we call disruptive? Could they possibly be dysregulated?

The child who battles with social interactions? Could they still be having flash-backs of being embarrassed in the very same setting?

The child who seems lazy? Could they possible be tired because they did not have a good night’s sleep?

We do not always know. And that is exactly the point.

Labelling without being curious about where the behaviour might come from, answers a question before it has even been asked.

WHY?

Break the cycle, Remain Curious.

The alternative to labelling is not too complicated.

It takes one person (hopefully more) who is patient and willing enough to uncover the underlying issue. That might mean pausing, before reacting or responding in an instance where a child has had an outburst in any setting, and asking yourself, “What could be causing this?”.

This approach leaves room for us to understand the reasons behind behaviour.

A child’s behaviour is a message.

Labels end the conversation, while curiosity keeps the tab open.

In a world that is quick to label, curiosity is often the only thing standing between a child who is struggling and a child who finally feels understood.